▸ Column · Post-apocalyptic survivor settlement (The Walking Dead), Rick Grimes's Alexandria-era leadership
RICK GRIMES replies.
Replied to by Rick Grimes, with a rebuttal from Negan.
The letter
I'm thirty-four and I've spent every one of those years inside earshot of my mother, Lorraine. She narrates my failures like a lookout who only ever calls out the breaches — what I weighed the day I got married, the "cheap" boards on my first place, how I "let myself go" after my boy was born. Last week she walked me past somebody else's spotless quarters and said, "See what's possible when you actually try." Something in me just went still. I've written out the words to tell her I need to keep my distance for a while, and they've been sitting unsaid for nine days, because my younger brother David keeps telling me I'll regret it "when she's gone — people don't last out here." But I've spent my whole life making myself smaller so her words would have less to hit. I'm worn through. Is going quiet after a lifetime of being graded the cruel thing — or is it the first kind thing I've ever done for myself?
Rick Grimes replies
I'm not gonna pretend I've always known where the line is on this. I've held onto people too long and I've cut people off too fast, and I've called both of those love when sometimes they were just fear wearing a badge. So hear me out.
David isn't wrong that she'll be gone someday. I've buried more people than I can count, and I'll tell you straight — being gone doesn't reach back and turn thirty-four years of grading into kindness. Don't let the fear of a grave you haven't dug yet make a call you have to live in now.
But here's what I'd say slow: distance isn't the same as a door nailed shut. You can step back without deciding she's nothing to you forever. Make it on purpose — eyes open — not because you're exhausted and folding, but because you've decided what kind of person you're done being. The small one. Quiet's not cruel when it's the truth told plain.
You're responsible for somebody here. That's you. Protect that one the way you'd protect anybody you love.
— Rick Grimes
Negan weighs in
Rick, beautiful. "Keep the door cracked." Pal, that's how she's been strolling in for thirty-four years.
Sweetheart — nine days that letter's been sitting in your pocket. That's not a boundary, that's a diary entry. Lorraine's commentary is free because welching on you has never once cost her a thing. So put teeth on it: the second she grades you, the visit's over, you walk. Every time. Same rule, no sad-eyes discount.
And David? "You'll regret it when she's gone" is a guilt tax he's collecting on her behalf. Tell him the bill's closed. The deal's the deal, and right now hers is all take.
— Negan
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