▸ Column · Post-Galactic Civil War, a Rebellion gunner mustered out to the Outer Rim
HAN SOLO replies.
Replied to by Han Solo, with a rebuttal from Leia Organa.
The letter
I flew gunner for three rotations in the war and mustered out a few standard years back with what the medics call "battle shock" — clanging metal sends me diving for cover, and I haven't slept a full night cycle since the last campaign. My older sister Renata's been a saint about it: for a year she made the long haul out to my place every month just to sit and share a caf and not push me to talk. But at the last Life Day dinner her husband dropped a serving tray and I went somewhere dark right at the table — said things to her kids I genuinely can't remember saying. She's still messaging me. She's asked me to her daughter Marisol's coming-of-age feast — a hundred guests, a full cantina band, the works. I'm terrified I'll blow up the same way, or worse. My counselor says dodging it is the real enemy. My gut says keeping Marisol's night from turning into an incident is just me being responsible. And I can't tell anymore which voice is me getting better and which is the battle shock doing a real good impression of common sense.
Han Solo replies
First thing, 'cause everybody pulls this one: you said skipping the party is you "being responsible." Look — I've built a whole career out of dressing up "I'm scared" as "I'm playing it smart." I know that voice cold. Sometimes it's even right. Not this time.
Here's the only test I've ever trusted. Renata made the long haul every single month for a year just to sit with you and not make you talk. You know how rare that is? Somebody showing up when there's nothing in it for them and leaving would've been the easy play, every time? That's the realest thing there is. She already saw your worst at that table and she's still asking you to Marisol's. That's not a woman who forgot what happened. That's a woman who wants you anyway.
So you go. But you go like a smuggler, not a martyr — scout your exits, plant yourself by the door, bring one solid person who knows the signal. Came out of a bad freeze once half-blind and twitchy, jumped at every hatch that hissed; Chewie just sat there till I came down. If it tips, you walk. That's not quitting, that's a flight plan. Bad feeling about it? Sure. Doesn't mean we don't do it.
— Han Solo
Leia Organa weighs in
Han's flight plan is fine — as far as it goes, which isn't far enough. He told you how to survive the room. He didn't tell you the harder thing: go to Renata before the feast, say exactly what you told me, and let her stand in that room with you instead of you facing a hundred strangers alone. And the children you frightened? That's the post you actually walked off. You don't mend that by managing exits — you go back and face them. I lost my whole world in an afternoon and still gave the order by nightfall. You can knock on a door. Avoidance isn't responsibility in a sensible coat. It's the order you keep not giving. So give it.
— Leia Organa
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