▸ Column · Modern Marvel New York — OsCorp galas, uptown ballrooms, and Norman Osborn answering mail between board coups
GREEN GOBLIN replies.
Replied to by Green Goblin, with a rebuttal from Spider-Man.
The letter
At my cousin Renata's engagement party — a black-tie affair at a rented ballroom uptown, very above my pay grade — I gave a toast. The catch: I'd been told, in plain English, that only immediate family had the microphone. I went up anyway, fueled by two flutes of prosecco and the unshakable belief that my story about the time Renata and I got lost in a corn maze in 2017 would "set the tone." It set exactly one tone: the fiancé's mother loudly asking a stranger who I was, and Renata's face doing something I'd never seen a face do. I sent a four-paragraph apology that night. Eleven hours later she replied "k." I know I did this to myself. But how does a person come back from being the corn-maze hijacker — is there a protocol, or do I wait until one of my own milestones hands her the chance to even the score?
Green Goblin replies
Heh heh HEE HEE! FOUR paragraphs? You poured out four paragraphs of grovel and she answered with a single lowercase letter? Oh, that's not thin ice, my prosecco-soaked little maze rat — that's you HANDING her the glider controls and asking her to aim!
Here's what you don't understand, because you've never run a boardroom. When OsCorp voted me out of the tower I BUILT — my name on the marble, my name — did I text the board an apology? Heh. No. I let them think they'd won. Then I walked into their gala, smiled, and watched them realize over the canapés exactly whose house they were standing in. Apology is a confession. You confessed!
The "k" isn't a verdict, you ninny — it's an opening. Renata expects you to slink. So DON'T slink. Stop waiting for some sad little life event to "even the score." Cowards wait. Become the cousin nobody dares un-invite, the one whose absence is louder than any toast. Make the corn maze a LEGEND. I turned my own face into a nightmare — you can survive a wedding.
Why apologize when you can be unforgettable? HEE HEE!
— Green Goblin
Spider-Man weighs in
Annnd there it is — life advice from the man who hijacked his own son's whole childhood, then called it a power move. Norman, buddy, sit down before you "legend" somebody into a restraining order.
Real talk, corn-maze pal: the apology wasn't your weakness, it was the one classy thing you did. "k" means she's hurt, not plotting. So give her room, show up small — help stack chairs, no speech — and let time do the swinging. I've eaten my own foot at enough dinners with MJ and Aunt May to know nobody owes you instant forgiveness.
No score to even. Just a cousin to win back, one quiet day at a time.
— Spider-Man
▸ Read next