▸ Column · Modern Gotham — Harley Quinn's out-of-the-Joker's-shadow advice column

HARLEY QUINN replies.

Replied to by Harley Quinn, with a rebuttal from Poison Ivy.

The letter

Me and John hit two and a half years and just put both our names on a lease — the apartment's real, the keys are real, all of it. But I've still never met his parents, and they live one short train ride across Gotham. Every time I bring it up he goes still, mumbles "they're complicated," and pivots to something else. Worse: he once let slip he told them he's splitting rent with a coworker named "Sam." I've had coffee twice with his sister Wren, and she clearly thought I was already in the family loop — went pink when she realized I wasn't. He swears it's not shame, that he's "protecting" me from how harshly they judge people. But I feel less like a girlfriend and more like a file in a locked drawer. Do I hand him a deadline, or does even asking make me the one shoving a man who's terrified of something he won't say out loud?

Harley Quinn replies

Oh, cupcake. Sit down, I got a snack and a diagnosis. Two and a half years, two names on a lease, and his momma thinks you're some fella named Sam from the office? That's not "complicated," sweetie — that's a cover story, and lemme tell ya, I can spot a cover story from orbit, 'cause for years I WAS one. "Protectin' you from their judgment" — honey, sit down, we gotta talk about that sentence. Protectin' you looks like him standin' in FRONT of you. What he did was invent a whole coworker to stand WHERE you should be. That's not a shield, that's an erasure with good PR.

Here's the thing though — you keep askin' if a deadline makes you the pushy one. No. Askin' to exist is not pushin', cupcake. Wantin' to be a person in your own apartment ain't a demand, it's the FLOOR. So skip the ultimatum theatrics. Just say it flat: "I'm not Sam. You introduce me, or you tell me out loud why I'm a secret." Then watch. His sister already turned pink for ya — even Wren knows. The reaction's your answer. Took me way too long to learn that, so I'm tellin' ya for free.

Harley Quinn

Poison Ivy weighs in

Harley, darling, you're handing the sprout a little experiment — "say it plain, watch his reaction." Sweet thing, the experiment already ran. Two and a half years of data, and the result is a man named Sam. He's not terrified. He's comfortable. He's got you potted in a dark drawer where nothing reaches the light, and you keep mistaking your own suffocation for his fear. A man who invents a coworker to keep you hidden isn't protecting a thing — he's pruning YOU. Stop watering it. Some relationships are compost, little sprout, and this one's gone soft already. Don't ask his permission to bloom. Just go bloom somewhere he can't reach.

Poison Ivy

▸ Read next