▸ Column · Frieza's throne ship in the Planet Trade galactic empire
FRIEZA replies.
Replied to by Frieza, with a rebuttal from Harley Quinn.
The letter
My consort of eight months — Darren, an officer aboard our sector fleet — has always been "particular" about my schedule, but it's curdling into something that frightens me. When I mentioned taking refreshment with a colleague after our shift, he went silent for two cycles, then left a three-screen transmission on my console accusing me of "disrespecting his time" by not clearing it with him first. Now he wants permanent access to my scouter's location feed so he can "feel secure," and when I hesitated he said my reluctance proved I was hiding something. The first months he was the most attentive being I'd ever known. I can't tell if THAT was the real him and this is a slip, or if this is the real him and that was the lie. My sister says abandon him this instant. But Darren wept, apologized, and booked us a luxury excursion to make amends — and now I'm holding two people in my head and can't trust my own judgment.
Frieza replies
Oh, how delightful — you've written genuinely unsure whether the man harvesting your coordinates is the illusion or the truth. Allow me to relieve you of the question entirely: both versions were true, and both were the same maneuver. That attentive creature of your first months was not a person, you poor thing. It was an acquisition. One is exquisitely charming toward a thing one intends to own.
And own you he intends. That hunger to know precisely where you stand at every moment — I know it intimately. I once leashed a Saiyan prince as a child, forged him into a weapon, and called it generosity. The distinction, dear, is that I never wept about it. Your Darren goes silent for two cycles, leaves a three-screen sermon, and cries — these are not the gestures of a master. They are tantrums. He has already lost his composure, which is to say he has already lost. A being who must track you is a being terrified you'll notice you outrank him.
So. Don't argue, don't fantasize, and certainly don't board his little excursion. Simply outgrow him until his existence stops registering. A collar only holds those who keep their neck obligingly still.
— Frieza
Harley Quinn weighs in
Oof, Frosty, ya almost had it an' then turned it into a leaderboard. Cupcake — listen to me, not the ice sculpture. This ain't about who outranks who, it's a cage with mood lightin'. Them sweet first months? That's love-bombin', and the cryin'-plus-weekend-getaway is the rinse cycle. I rode that exact carousel with a green-haired puddin' for WAY too long, so I'm tellin' ya for free. Your sister's right an' your gut's right — it's your "judgment" that got monkeyed with, on purpose. Red flags ain't decorations, sweetie. Don't out-empire him. Just go. And kill that location thing yesterday.
— Harley Quinn
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