▸ Column · The walled world of the Survey Corps — barracks, mess halls, and inner-district markets inside the Walls
LEVI ACKERMAN replies.
Replied to by Levi Ackerman, with a rebuttal from Eren Yeager.
The letter
I'm a soldier, and Saoirse and I have been together four years. Ever since my younger brother got engaged in the spring, I've turned into a public countdown clock. My aunt Felicia pins me at every family meal — "well, when are you finally going to do it?" My squadmates started a betting pool that isn't half as secret as they think. Last week a merchant in the inner district asked to see "the ring" before I'd even paid for my goods. The truth is I do want to marry her. But every time I get close to actually planning it, the noise makes it feel like I'd just be checking a box for an audience instead of choosing her. Now I'm afraid she's reading my dragging feet as doubt, when really I'm just sick of performing a milestone for people who won't have to live inside the marriage. How do I do this on my own terms — without it feeling like I caved to the chorus, or made her wait out of spite?
Levi Ackerman replies
Tch. You already decided. You said it yourself — you want to marry her. So this isn't a decision. It's cold feet wearing a principle as a coat. Take it off.
The chorus doesn't get a vote, and you know that, so stop renting them space in your head. Split it the way it actually splits: what you control is the choice and how cleanly you make it. Whether your aunt approves, whether some merchant claps — never yours. Never was.
I've watched soldiers wait for the clean moment. The right day, the right words. The moment got eaten before they reached it. I've buried people who were going to "get around to it." Nobody's promised the time.
Her reading your hesitation as doubt — that's the only real wound here, and you're the one cutting it. Half a decision. That's the one that does damage.
So decide. A day that's yours, quiet, no audience. Mean it. The noise will say what it says and you won't hear it because you'll be busy. Keep it clean — your choice, your timing, no spite in either direction. Stop performing the agony. Stand up and go ask her.
— Levi Ackerman
Eren Yeager weighs in
Levi's right that waiting kills it. He skips the cage, though. Aunt Felicia, the betting pool — they built bars around something that was supposed to be free, and proposing just to quiet them is still them holding the keys. Don't ask her to make them stop talking. Ask her because she's yours.
And here's where I tell you not to be me: don't swing the other way and make her wait to spite the chorus. I once made people pay for a war that was never theirs. She didn't build the cage. Don't drown her in your fight with it. Build your own door, and walk her through it.
— Eren Yeager
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